Happy Birthday Belly

WARNING: To anyone who has never cried at a chick flick, given someone a hug just because you felt like it, smelled the head of a new baby and then went back for one more delicious sniff, or referred to yourself as "feeling sensitive" at some point in your life...READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

Today, at 6:59am EST, my daughter Isabel Sofie turned one year old. I knew this would be a big one--I have celebrated the first birthday of several children whom I love dearly over the years, and I have been very excited for Isabel's--but I had no idea just how amazing and intense it would feel. I had no clue that I would be so overcome with emotion and love that it would keep bursting embarrassingly out of my eyeballs as I do simple things like help her open presents or ice her little cake or type on my computer while she naps.

(Less sensitive types, this is your last chance. You can still make it out alive, but I warn you to GET OUT NOW. TT, this does not include you. You know this particular topic turns you into a total mushball.)





Dear Belly,

I don't know how to thank you for coming into my life. I can't find the words to describe how much I love you, and how much my love for you has changed me.

In my life, I have been graced by the vital and sustaining love of my parents, my two sisters*, my best friends, and my husband. The more I have lived, the more I have recognized just how blessed I am. But the love I feel for you has taken everything I thought I knew about love and blown it into a new stratosphere.

I remember the day you came into this world like it was yesterday. It was surprisingly cold outside for early April, just like it is today. And the unexpected snowfall outside our hospital windows felt like a blessing just for you. When snow flakes fell again this early April morning, it felt like the universe was celebrating your first birthday with us--or at least New York City.

Isabelly, you are my idol. Your determination inspires me: from the moment you were born, after hours of fetal cardiac distress, sucking with vigorous focus on several fingers...to now, when you insist on carrying the largest, heaviest, and most awkward toy across the room and will let nothing stand in your way. Your fearlessness astounds me: from every roll, crawl, and step you have taken into the great unknown, months earlier than we've expected them...to now, at the Central Park Zoo, where we have rarely seen you laugh so hard, and where you find no animal too big, too weird, too smelly, or too close. If the petting zoo let you ride them all into the sunset, it still wouldn't be enough. Your silliness makes me so happy I could burst: your squawking parakeet laugh and guttural giggles are the most marvelous music I have ever heard. And your sweetness melts me: your little smile when our eyes meet across the room, the soft clapping of your hands when music starts, and the way you lean into me and let me turn the pages of your books when you get sleepy.

Your daddy and I come to visit you every night before we go to bed: to tuck your blanket back around you, to gaze at your sleeping face, to touch your back, feel your breathing, and take you in. When you are pressed against our side of the crib, we can crouch down and smell your hair. We sleep much better after this blessing, and we love each other more in loving you.

I am a better person since knowing you. Every choice I make has more meaning to me now, and my time is much better spent as a result. I do things I care about, I traffic in the truth, and I am motivated by love. Period.

So I don't know how to thank you. I can only say: happy birthday Belly. I love you with all of my heart. You are my heart.

Love,
Mommy


*EK, I love sharing the experience of motherhood with you. CKS, you are going to be such a wonderful mother some day, and I am so excited to share it with you too.