Striving for Imperfection

A few weeks ago I wrote my first blog post, making the switch from long-time editor to first-time writer. I was chomping at the bit to do it, but still it wasn't easy--I had to constantly fight the editorial impulses that are my second nature at this point, little dams that kept coming down and down, over and over, in their attempts to staunch and correct the words that were trying to pour out of me.

Because I was attending Jennifer Lauck's writing workshop when I began this blog, I had the wonderful opportunity to read my first post and receive her feedback (and the group's), revealing for me quite clearly the yawning chasm of difference between an editor (me) and a writing teacher (her). That night, I revised my piece considerably, and now I am actually happy with it. It fits now, it's just what I wanted to write, and it feels good. EXCEPT: I can't post it. I'm not allowed. I must let that first draft--cluttered with all of those clunky sentences I've cut or changed, missing all of the details and additions that really brought the piece home--sit there like a big pile of dirty dishes, a river of spilled milk, a boil on the face of my shiny new blog.

Because that is part of my work now: to unleash the picky editor in me, to unlock the doors of my own creativity that have been closed for years in service to the creativity of others. I love editorial work and will continue to do it, but I will no longer be defined by it. And I am profoundly lucky to have supporters who are helping to shepherd me through this transition, and who are not afraid to give me the kind of tough lessons I have dished out myself from time to time. Blogs are not meant to be perfect. You cannot post your revision--just move ahead with the next post and don't look back.

Now, one might accuse me of cheating by even writing this post, but hey, I'm not supposed to be perfect, and I didn't mention a single specific change in my revised piece...like how the beginning is totally different and much better now. And so far I am still posting with dictionary.com open at all times in the next window, but it's only been two weeks. Give me time and I'll keep working on letting go.

Plus, Carrie Link is linking to my blog today, and I certainly couldn't have my most recent entry be a haiku, could I? Yikes, that would never do!